{"product_id":"locating-nearest-exit-unisex-t-shirt","title":"Locating Nearest Exit Unisex T-Shirt","description":"\u003ctable id=\"size-guide\" style=\"min-width:360px;\"\u003e\n \u003cthead\u003e\n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"padding:10px;\"\u003e\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eS\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eM\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003eXL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e2XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e3XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e4XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n\u003cth style=\"color:#000000;font-weight:500;text-align:left;font-size:15px;padding:10px;\"\u003e5XL\u003c\/th\u003e\n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \u003c\/thead\u003e\n \u003ctbody\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Width, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 16.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 18.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 20.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 22.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 24.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 26.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 27.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 28.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 29.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 30.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 31.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 32.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 33.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 34.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 35.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Sleeve length, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.60 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 8.90 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.20 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 9.70 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 10.00 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 10.40 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 10.80 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 11.20 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003ctr\u003e\n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n Size tolerance, in\n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003ctd style=\"padding:10px;color:#525252;font-size:15px;border-top:1px solid #ededed;word-break: break-word;\"\u003e\n 1.50 \n \u003c\/td\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tr\u003e\n \n \u003c\/tbody\u003e\n \u003c\/table\u003e\n \u003cp\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA clever vintage-inspired tee for introverts, socially drained professionals, and anyone who has ever mentally checked out mid-conversation. This parody emergency exit sign design features an illuminated exit symbol with arrows pointing everywhere at once, paired with the bold text “LOCATING NEAREST EXIT: FROM THIS CONVERSATION” and the subtext “Emergency procedure: already executed.”\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eWith its retro green, black, and white palette and lightly distressed finish, this shirt blends dry humor with a clean graphic look that feels both nostalgic and painfully relatable. It is perfect for awkward small talk survivors, office workers, remote workers, overstimulated adults, and anyone whose instinct in a chaotic moment is to quietly find the nearest way out.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003eA great gift for introverts, coworkers, friends with sharp humor, and people who appreciate sarcasm served with clean design.\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eProduct features\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003e100% Airlume combed and ring-spun cotton for soft, lightweight comfort\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRetail unisex fit with a classic crew neckline for everyday wear\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eRibbed knit collar and shoulder tape help maintain shape over time\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eSide seams add structure and support a lasting fit\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTear-away label helps reduce skin irritation\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eCrisp DTG\/DTF print finish for bold graphics and readable text\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eCare instructions\u003c\/strong\u003e\u003c\/p\u003e\u003cul\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eMachine wash: cold, max 30C or 90F\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eNon-chlorine bleach as needed\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eTumble dry: low heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eIron, steam or dry: medium heat\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003cli\u003eDo not dry clean\u003c\/li\u003e\n\u003c\/ul\u003e\u003cp\u003e\u003cstrong\u003eWarnings, Hazard:\u003c\/strong\u003e For adults. Blank product sourced from Honduras.\u003c\/p\u003e","brand":"Printify","offers":[{"title":"XS \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":54039024107857,"sku":"81128066415375794823","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS \/ Pink","offer_id":54039024140625,"sku":"59044866460473633600","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS \/ Soft Cream","offer_id":54039024173393,"sku":"44335893068516799228","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS \/ Soft Pink","offer_id":54039024206161,"sku":"28065258303948330602","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS \/ White","offer_id":54039024238929,"sku":"32006065320079199479","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS \/ Heather Ice Blue","offer_id":54039024271697,"sku":"19822381764074761549","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XS \/ Heather 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Cream","offer_id":54039024992593,"sku":"81952998765160295802","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Soft Pink","offer_id":54039025025361,"sku":"14132137417152450787","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ White","offer_id":54039025058129,"sku":"61812155006374201638","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Stone","offer_id":54039025090897,"sku":"69139178707947495023","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Ice Blue","offer_id":54039025123665,"sku":"15905421460520029206","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Prism Peach","offer_id":54039025156433,"sku":"45680189283778621788","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Sand Dune","offer_id":54039025189201,"sku":"84239336405221043893","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Heather Cool Grey","offer_id":54039025221969,"sku":"32528496664959268731","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Citron","offer_id":54039025254737,"sku":"44141609666958415661","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Solid Athletic Grey","offer_id":54039025287505,"sku":"92597794143135837782","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"M \/ Peach","offer_id":54039025320273,"sku":"10302995574486443892","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":54039025353041,"sku":"25473347917712633711","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Pink","offer_id":54039025385809,"sku":"19167862225223999007","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Soft Cream","offer_id":54039025418577,"sku":"49050806046115158756","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Soft Pink","offer_id":54039025451345,"sku":"30199258854282361168","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ White","offer_id":54039025484113,"sku":"22716326126843955751","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Stone","offer_id":54039025516881,"sku":"92223161334386205367","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Ice Blue","offer_id":54039025549649,"sku":"10184961979526837556","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Prism Peach","offer_id":54039025582417,"sku":"19239852762143751440","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Sand Dune","offer_id":54039025615185,"sku":"31080716651053384287","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Heather Cool Grey","offer_id":54039025647953,"sku":"29131350710671980052","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Citron","offer_id":54039025680721,"sku":"65694088566998012623","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Solid Athletic Grey","offer_id":54039025713489,"sku":"22386200046514314498","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"L \/ Peach","offer_id":54039025746257,"sku":"18714892230471427938","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Athletic Heather","offer_id":54039025779025,"sku":"93901307421917431829","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Pink","offer_id":54039025811793,"sku":"15261206801783520712","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Soft Cream","offer_id":54039025844561,"sku":"23992071749087184888","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Soft Pink","offer_id":54039025877329,"sku":"14400305307934929159","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ White","offer_id":54039025910097,"sku":"31126087636534015737","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Stone","offer_id":54039025942865,"sku":"10770113579762862977","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Ice Blue","offer_id":54039025975633,"sku":"20411818789821352776","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Sand Dune","offer_id":54039026008401,"sku":"13690878069787092886","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Heather Cool Grey","offer_id":54039026041169,"sku":"28721037136913091055","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Citron","offer_id":54039026073937,"sku":"29891637434538693397","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ Solid Athletic Grey","offer_id":54039026106705,"sku":"17911898943466194488","price":22.14,"currency_code":"USD","in_stock":true},{"title":"XL \/ 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